


Anxiety in Paradise

by enjolrascore



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Anxious Alec, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Prompt Fill, Some Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 09:26:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8322604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enjolrascore/pseuds/enjolrascore
Summary: Request fill for this: It would also be cool if you wrote about their vacation where [Alec] was having panic attacks and stuff!
Set during the COFA trip





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is for alexandracap11 on tumblr! So sorry this took so long, but thank you for being so patient and understanding about the entire situation!! Also thank you for giving me a reason to write more anxious Alec, I love it so much.  
> Hope you enjoy

Magnus thought that if Alec could just get away, things would be better. That if he was away from The Institute and Max’s things, he would stop showing up at Magnus’s in the middle of the night, crying. Magnus wasn’t always right.

The nightmares followed Alec to Egypt. The first night they were there, Alec woke up with a scream and tears already forming in his eyes. Magnus still hadn’t gone to bed, and was just lounging in the armchair by the window, but the sound caught his attention.

“Alexander?” Magnus questioned, standing up, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Alec choked out, angrily wiping at his face, “Everything’s fine.”

Magnus went over and sat on the bed, “Is that true?”

Alec didn’t respond for a while, but finally he just shook his head. Magnus nodded and shifted so him and Alec were sitting face to face. He reached his hands out to grab Alec’s. Alec met him halfway, allowing Magnus to catch his hands gently.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Magnus asked.

“No.”

“Okay.”

They sat in silence, only the sound of Alec sniffing to fill the room. Magnus rubbed circles on Alec’s knuckles and waited.

“Do you think I’ll ever be enough, Magnus?” Alec finally asked, a timid whisper of a question.

“You ask that as if you aren’t. You are more than enough.” Magnus assured him.

“Sometimes I’m scared that I’m not.”

Magnus tightened his grip on Alec’s hands, “Why don’t we go to sleep? You’ll feel better in the morning.”

Alec just nodded and let go of Magnus’s hands. Once Magnus was settled in bed, he tugged Alec down onto his chest. Alec snuggled in and sighed deeply.

“My beautiful Alexander,” Magnus mumbled, pushing the hair away from Alec’s forehead, “Sleep well.”

“You too.”

The nightmares slowed, but never stopped.

~

Alec avoided the crowds in Paris. He would pull Magnus out of crowded cafes, or he’d wait outside and make Magnus order for them. They went to a few parties and clubs, but Alec always would always ask to leave early. Magnus made the mistake of letting it go for too long at one club, and he quickly learned to never do that again.

Alec had been quiet for most of the night, tipping Magnus off that he wasn’t feeling well, but Alec didn’t say anything so he shrugged it off. Alec settled down in an empty chair by the bar, as he usually did, and Magnus had a few drinks with him before pulling Alec onto the dance floor. He went with minimal grumbling, which yet again pushed Magnus’ concerns further back in his mind. Alec danced awkwardly for a while, but started to tug on Magnus’ shirt after a while.

“Magnus, can we go?” Alec asked over the music.

“Now?” Magnus shot back, wrapping his arms around Alec’s shoulders.

Alec shifted uncomfortably, resting his hands on Magnus’ hips, “We can stay a little longer, I guess.”

Magnus smiled and leaned in to kiss Alec, tangling his fingers in his hair. Alec kissed back, starting to sway to the music again. Magnus pulled back and moved with him.

“We can leave soon, I promise.” Magnus whispered in Alec’s ear.

Alec just nodded and let Magnus lead their dance. They made it through a few more songs before Alec’s movements started to get stiff.

“Alec?” Magnus questioned when he noticed, “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” Alec muttered, not making eye contact.

Magnus saw through him, “Alec, will you look at me?”

Alec hesitated, but looked Magnus in the eye nonetheless. Magnus stiffened when he noticed Alec’s eyes were unfocused and scared. Silently, he pulled Alec off the dance floor and out of the club, leading him down the road until they couldn’t hear the music.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” Magnus asked, stopping and pulling Alec to the side of the road.

“It was just too much.” Alec choked out, tears starting to burn at the back of his eyes.

“Too much what?”

Alec shook his head and tried to get Magnus to continue their walk, “Let’s just leave, let’s go back to the hotel.”

“We can go back to the hotel, but we’re just going to discuss this there. It’s up to you.”

Alec looked around and finally started crying, a small sob escaping his lips. Magnus reached out and caught Alec’s hand.

“Hey, no need for tears. How can I help you?” Magnus questioned gently.

“I don’t know.” Alec made out through panicked breaths.

“Alexander, breathe.” Magnus brought his free hand to Alec’s cheek, forcing him to make eye contact.

“I can’t, Magnus.”

“Love, listen to me.” Magnus waited as Alec’s eyes focused again, “You’re panicking, and you need to breathe. Just focus, and breathe with me, can you do that?”

Alec nodded, and Magnus started to exaggerate his breathing enough for Alec to follow him. It took Alec a couple tries before he was shakily matching the rise and fall of Magnus’ chest.

“You’re doing so good.” Magnus encouraged, “Keep that up for me, okay?”

“Okay. Can you, like, talk to me, or something?”

“Of course. Have you seen how the sunrise looks from out hotel window yet? It lights up the buildings, and it paints the sky such lovely colors. It’s so wonderful to watch the city wake up, Alec, and listening to the birds. Not to mention, you look beautiful when the light starts to come through the blinds.”

Alec let out a watery laugh, “You’re ridiculous."

“Perhaps, but I’m honest. Are you feeling better?” At Alec’s nod, he continued, “Can you tell me what went wrong?”

“I just got really overwhelmed; it was really loud and crowded. I don’t know, maybe crowds are just a no go right now.”

“That’s okay, you’re still going through a lot. Just don’t push yourself, because you think it’ll make me happy.”

Alec nodded, “Can we go now?”

“Yes, we can.”

They walked back to their hotel, and Magnus immediately got in the shower. When he got out Alec was already asleep. He watched the steady rise and fall of the covers, wondering if Alec was truly feeling any better. He shook the thought away and climbed in bed, snuggling into Alec’s back. Alec shifted, but didn’t wake up. Magnus had never been so thankful for a peaceful night.

~

The panic attacks weren’t as severe in Italy, and the nightmares only happened twice a week in India. By the time they were called back to The Institute, everything had essentially calmed down; the panic attacks were practically gone and the nightmares were only once every week or so. When they got back, they were so busy they all but forgot about it. They were still aware of Alec’s anxiety, and Alec still had issues with crowds occasionally, but for the most part it was under control. They just took it in stride, and handled it when need be.

It was going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Come check me out on tumblr @sapphiceponine
> 
> Requests are currently open :)  
> Please read the request rules linked in my /about, I just added an important message (they aren't really rules, they're more like a byf but for requests)


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